Sunday, March 15, 2015

Tinder Nightmare

.........Im back!

This whole "dating people who know about the blog" is pretty inconvenient, but this girl is back and ready to write!

My latest adventure involves the ever so addictive/fun/self loathing game: Tinder

While out with friends one night we got on the hot topic of "Fifty Shades of Grey" (yes, I meant the pun on 'hot topic') and a brilliant idea came to me. What if I messaged a guy on Tinder and only spoke to him in Fifty Shades of Grey quotes?

With the help of my friends who had a plethora of googled quotes on their phones, I got straight to work finding my first victim. Well, lucky me, it did not take long.

I decided that I needed a 'normal' hooking line and then after that I went fifty shades of crazy. Enjoy the screen shots :)
Think this should be submitted to Tinder Nightmares

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Wait, you have kids?

After my date with Mr. Laugh-A-Lot aka, the Hyena, I started wondering why I am consistently gambling my time away on these internet dates when I never come out the winner? Majority of the time I am sitting across from an internet man that without a virtual profile I would have never gone out with. So why am I doing it if the odds are so stacked against me?
Those were my exact thoughts at the time so that's when I did it, I did something even more surprising than my November challenge...I broke the cardinal rule of keeping the past in the past.
Let me explain.

Many. MANY, months ago I was at a Whitecaps game with some girlfriends. Beer was flowing, cheers were being sung and while I wasn't doing much game watching I was still having a great time. Half time comes around and while the players are eating orange slices (Those are not just for kids soccer, right?) I was heading for drink refills. That's when I came across Mr. Englishman. He was shouting to a friend across the crowd and so therefore I did the most Canadian welcome by mocking his accent and shouting "EHLLOO."

You need to know a few things: At this point in time I had been enjoying many drinks and my fake accents are probably the worst accents of all time.

Well it got a smile and wave from him but then we were lost in the crowd. So by happenstance during the second half of the game my friend spots him. Sitting in the front row, with an empty seat beside him. Fortunately for my chicken self, one of my girlfriends is not and she headed down there to go sit with him and do the ever so causal, 'my friends interested in you.' Low and behold it actually worked and after the game we exchanged numbers and started a week of texting back and forth.

It was fun, it was kismet, and then it got down right weird when I found out the deal breaker...he had kids. Now, I have told this story numerous times to girlfriends and they all have different responses when I told them he had kids. While I do agree that in many situations and for many people it works, but for me, that is just one of my deal breakers at this point in my life. So we parted texting ways.

Fast forward to night after Mr. Laugh-A-Lot date and I found myself sending Mr. Englishman a text. Oh geez.
I have really mixed feelings about why I did it. We haven't gone out yet, and I am not sure that we ever will. As the dust has now settled from my hyena date and I have found myself back on my feet, I am not sure that I even want to. The kids were a deal breaker for me six months ago and nothing has changed on that front so why would I even be considering a date with him? Maybe because for once it wouldn't be a gamble and I would be going into it knowing that it would be going no where? Or maybe November has left some bad residue on my December self?
To date, or not to date?

Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Calendar

Well, as November is starting to come to an end so is my dating challenge. Here are some of the highlights from this 'entertaining' month.
I got stood-up, broke a debit machine, had many MANY glasses of beer, paid for some of those glasses of beer and heard an unforgettable hyena laugh.
My back to back dates had me feeling like I was on the next Bachelorette but without the helicopter rides or Chris Harrison to arrange dates for me and keep my men in line.  I wish I could have ended this month with a grand conclusion about love and dating but to be honest, I've come up short. I have met a lot of different men this month and while majority of them have all been good, fine dates...I feel like I am no closer to finding what I am looking for: my own Harry. What I have discovered is that dating is an adventure and I am not ready to throw in the towel quite yet. After all, December does happen to be my favourite month of the year, I may just have a Christmas themed date lined up....
Stay tuned for December!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The last laugh

I love fairy tales. They all start with 'once upon a time' and a girl can get wrapped up in that line. That's the most dangerous part..when we start thinking that the beginning is somehow a recipe for the ending. Well that's how my latest one went. My ego was bruised after my latest standup that I met this next guy online and I thought, this is it. This is my happily ever after.

Unfortunately I was wrong, yet again. The online messages were good, I even happened to message this one myself, without the help of my secretary (thanks again, roommate), so how did this perfect kismet match-up end with me sitting across the table from the most horrendous laugh I have ever heard? Yes, that's right. It was the kind of laugh where I would say the most causal line and out of left field it was like a hyena joined our midst and caused all the heads in the restaurant to turn our way. Was I mortified? Yes. Did he order dinner? Yes. Was it dry ribs? Even better.

I wonder, have you ever chosen to skip the meal while your partner chose the dry ribs on the menu? I don't know if you have, but I can tell you right now that it probably the most unattractive experience. Before I start to get carried away, you should know that wings are my weakness. But will I ever order wings on a first date? No, no I won't. And furthermore, will I ever order wings when my dinner partner is ordering a liquid diet? No, I would never put someone through my finger-lickin' habits on a first date.

So now here I am. At the end of November wondering what even happened this month? It was filled with either standup's or mediocre dates. What will come of December? Part of me thinks December should be my date 'myself' month or date only 'real-life' people and put a pause on virtual people. But what  do you think? What should my December challenge be?

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Your 'About me' section is literally, about me.

New lesson from online dating: People can be creepy...very, very creepy.

The other day I was surfing the online dating websites, looking for Mr. Next in November when I noticed that a cute guy had checked out my profile. So being the persuer that I am, I decided to click on his profile and take a gander at who this handsome guy was. And that's when I saw it. The guy had taken my complete profile description and written it on his "About Me" section. You know those times when you literally feel tingles go up your spine. Well this was one of those experiences. It is a very odd feeling to read your exact words on someone else's description.
So of course I took a screen shot of it. And while I realize I am now exposing to all of you my super dorky write up about myself, it was just too creepy of an experience not to share.
(The only word that he changed was "Saskatoon", I had "Vancouver"...obviously)

So I sent him a message that said "why did you copy my profile?" and next thing I know is I have gotten no response and he has now blocked me. Like I am the one that needs to be blocked!?

In the end I am left with two conclusions about this whole experience. One part of me is trying to take this as a compliment and maybe he really liked my profile and couldn't think of his own "about me" section. And another part of me is wondering why my "about me" section can also be used by a man...clearly I need to add some more feminine touches to my write up.

Friday, November 21, 2014

1 date, 2 date...3 date?

I have reached the state...the state of indecisiveness.

I told you about my first date with Mr. Artist, it all went smoothly, he was nice and said all the right things. So then last week the art gallery plans fell through and we decided to get a drink instead. Again, the date was good, nothing alarmingly wrong or off putting...and so, why am I doubting?

Originally I thought that this month of crazy dating would bring me clarity but instead it is just leaving me very confused. I have started dating people I wouldn't normally date and now I am having trouble deciding. I feel like I have lost the voice that is normally so clear and decisive. I enjoy my time with Mr. Artist, we have lots to talk about, and yet it feels so 'friend zone.' I can't quite put my finger on it but when I see him I don't get the flutters or the tingles. Something I always made a deciding factor if I would continue to date someone in the past. Has this month backfired and I am suddenly now numb to dating? Or is it because he really isn't the right one for me?

Well the month is not over yet and I am determined to find out, so stay tuned for our date number 3 of the art gallery.

Before then, I leave you with something I watched many months ago but is ever so true for me now and gives me the kick in the pants that I am needing.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Good thing there are always 'to-go' cups

Where to begin with this post...

I know I am usually lighthearted and try to see the good in all experiences but last night literally left me with the feeling: being single sucks sometimes.

I rushed home from work, showered, made myself presentable, only to be left sitting by myself in a local coffee shop. I have to tell you, that is probably the worst feeling that a single person can experience. I have been cancelled on, I have gone to the millionth wedding alone, but nothing makes someone feel more alone and forgotten than sitting by themselves waiting for someone to show up who inevitably never does. Luckily the barista misheard me when I ordered my coffee and actually put it in a to-go cup rather than the mug that would have made this an even more tortuous experience...sitting and drinking until it was finished. But still, I waited the grace period of 20 minutes and then headed on my way.

As I was walking home I immediately thought about what I could have done differently...maybe I should have texted him an hour or so before to 'double check' that we were still on. But then I realized that even if he hadn't have responded back to me at that point I would have still gone. I would have still put on an outfit, dragged myself out the door and shown up, because I know (and especially now) that it is so incredibly unkind to leave someone sitting alone and waiting.

So to the guy who was suppose to meet me last night, I know that you later contacted me with the "so sorry but I forgot" text (Did I mention that the date was planned and confirmed the day before? Really, you forgot??) but let me just leave you with this: I waited for you and you never came. I think of myself as a catch and you made me doubt that. I walked all the way home thinking that for some reason I was worth missing out on.
For your sake I hope dating karma doesn't get you, because what you did to me really did suck. And in a way for that I thank you, because if you are the type of person who would do this to another, I am glad you didn't show up and put me through whatever turbulent relationship may have followed.
Thank you for leaving me in peace, to drink my coffee.